Parody of a MarySue
by Sensitive
Summary: A series of one-shorts featuring cliches and starring the beautiful/smart/powerful/cooler-than-Arwen Mary-Sue Amoniel! My Attempt at humor.
1. Chapter 1

**I do not own Lord of the Rings.**

**My Attempt At humor: A series of one-shots featuring this fandom's clichés, starring the ever lovable Mary-Sue 'Amoniel'! Please note that this fanfiction isn't targeting anyone nor is it serious or making fun of any story. Any similarity with your story is completely unintentional. **

**Enjoy!**

**Chapter 1**

Amoniel was beautiful, no she was mesmerizingly, beautifully beautiful! She had eyes that were bluer that Frodo's! Long, black hair that put Arwen's to shame and red lips that were sexier than a shirtless Aragon!

_Hair black as night_

_Skin white as snow_

_Lips red as blood_

_Amoniel_

Wait isn't that from Snow White? Of course not, for Snow White looks like a drunken Orc compared to Amoniel! Amoniel's father was an Elf, her mother a Hobbit named Mariana, her grandmother a powerful witch that taught Gandalf himself, and her great-great uncle was an Orc that repented and joined the light. As such, and because of her mixed lineage, she possessed great power, it was said that she can kill a hundred Orcs with one blow, and legend says that it was her that cut Saron's hand and not Isildur. Brave and courageous, she was talented in all forms of combat and knew how to wield any weapon made. But Amoniel has had a terrible past, for when she was but a child, her mother (Mariana) abandoned her father, and ran away with a Hobbit. Her Elven father, heartbroken and unable to handle the grief, stabbed himself with a knife. Amoniel swore from that day to never trust anyone, for her fragile heart cannot handle any more sorrow.

Amoniel and Arwen slowly crept through the dark woods, Lord Elrond had sent them to retrieve Aragon and his companions because they weren't in Rivendell on time. The great Elf knew that the travelers had faced deep peril. He had meant to send Amoniel alone, for her speed, beauty and skill were enough to accomplish this great mission, but his spoilt, and unbeautiful daughter, Arwen, begged him to let her ride along with the beautifully beautiful Elf/Hobbit/Witch/Orc-who-has-repented-and-joined the light.

Aragon found the weed he was looking for and proceeded to cut it, unwillingly, he had let his guard down and froze when he felt two swords touch his throat threateningly.

"What's this? A Ranger caught off his guard?" asked Arwen.

The two swords were withdrawn and Aragon recognizing the voice turned to look at the speaker. He found Arwen standing with a girl, looking closely he immediately recognized her, although how anyone could not notice her first was beyond the author's understanding, for her beauty was more magical than magic. Aragon ran to the girl and hugged her.

**Never mind the fact that the woman he loved above all was standing right there.**

"Amoniel, my sister," he weeped.

**Wait isn't Aragon the sole heir? And Amoniel wasn't even human! Quickly realizing her plot hole, the author decides to mention that Aragon simply cherished Amoniel's friendship deeply and therefore considered her as a sister.**

Amoniel smiled sadly remembering her dead family, she and Aragon met years ago and ever since that day they took sanctuary in each other's embrace, for they both carried deep sorrow in their heart. A single tear fell down her cheek but nevertheless she still looked even more beautiful than the moon, more elegant than a swan, more –

"Um…excuse me?" said Arwem meekly. "We're supposed to take the travelers back to my father."

Aragon, as if noticing Arwen for the first time, sprang towards her. The girl, thinking he was going to embrace her too, opened her arms widely, but Aragon simply looked at her and said (still weeping happily), "We need to get back to the hobbits! Frodo has been injured."

Frodo gasped as the pain ate him away, he felt the heat from his wound spread quickly throughout his body, he kept losing consciousness and his blue eyes (though not as blue as Amoniel's) were filled with terror as he saw shadows engulf him. Slowly he turned his head, and there he saw her. A woman more beautiful than anything he has seen in his life, her shiny black hair hung loosely around her, her blue twinkling eyes were solemn and spoke of deep sadness and pain, her lips were velvet red. Even in his state, Frodo could not help but admire her slender frame, large hips and boobs. Next to her, stood a mediocre female elf looking at him worriedly and Aragon who was staring with admiration at the beautifully beautiful woman and weeping happily.

The beautifully beautiful woman knelt beautifully next to him and said, "Frodo, I am Amoniel."

**Now because the author was too lazy to Google what Arwen said to Frodo in the film, she decided to think up of a clever way to fill the gap.**

Frodo immediately recognized the woman; she was the daughter of his Uncle Biblo's wife Mariana! His Uncle's wife always spoke to him of the daughter whom she was forced to leave behind when she escaped from her abusive, elf of an ex-husband.

**Never mind the fact that Bilbo did not have a wife, this is called a FANfiction the author can do anything!**

"Who is she?" asked Merry transfixed by Amoniel's beauty.

"She's an Elf/Hobbit/Witch/Orc-who-repented-and-joined-the-light!" exclaimed Sam in admiration completely ignoring Arwen.

**Never mind the fact that she was an Elf and he had always dreamt of meeting one.**

No one spoke a word as the Hobbits stared at Amoniel, each wishing he could make her his wife, Aragon still wept happily, Amoniel stared at Frodo in a solemn way that spoke of sadness and pain and Arwen checked his injury.

"I cannot heal him, we have to take him to my father," said Arwen unbeautifully.

Amoniel stared sadly at Frodo, she wished she could heal him, but alas! Her healing powers were weak! She started weeping sadly, "I am sorry Ring bearer! I cannot heal you, forgive me!"

**Never mind the fact that no one had told her before that Frodo carried the ring. Amoniel was beautiful and more intelligent that Gandalf himself.**

The Hobbits were filled with sorrow as Amoniel cried, they rushed towards her begging her not to cry, Frodo even got up momentarily to comfort her.

"Lady Amoniel, you are far more beautiful and stronger than I am, you must take Frodo to my father," said Arwen unbeautifully.

Amoniel nodded, she knew what she must do, she mounted the horse and said, "Do not despair Arwen for there are far less beautiful people that you."

"Thank you my lady!" said Arwen with happy gratitude.

With a nod, Amoniel rod with Frodo and as she rode she remembered her mother and sorrow filled her heart.

**End of Chapter 1**

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**Author's Note:**

**I hope this chapter was stupid/funny enough for your liking, remember this is a PARODY, please REVIEW and lemme know what you think. Everyone who reviews gets a cookie! Hehe**

**Sensitive.**


	2. Chapter 2

**I do not own Lord of the Rings.**

**Thank you to all those who reviewed please keep reading and letting me know what you think. If you have any specific scene that you want me to write about please tell me in a review.**

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**Chapter 2**

**Elrond's Council: Because no Sue story is complete without an appearance at the council.**

Amoniel got up from her bed, she had been crying for hours because she felt like it. She decided to hide her tears, she didn't want the council members to see her so weak, after all, the most beautiful smile is the one that struggles behind tears.

**Dramatic Pause.**

Elrond had requested she attends the meeting because her beauty and wisdom was needed.

_Flashback:_

_Amoniel was standing with Elrond and Gandalf in Elrond's study/room/peeping tower, thingy and were looking down at Frodo and Sam. The latter was preparing his belongings and chatting with the brown haired Hobbit._

"_His strength will return," said Elrond._

"_The wound will never fully heal," noted Gandalf. "He is lucky that Lady Amoniel is a fast and skillful rider."_

_Amoniel blushed beautifully and said, "It is however a burden that he should not have carried, we cannot ask more of him."_

"_The enemy's eye is moving, it is fixed on Rivendell, and you tell me Saruman has betrayed us, our list of allies grows thin," said Elrond exasperated but still dignified._

"_His treachery runs deeper than you think," said Gandalf._

"_My lord, you must hold a meeting, call forth representatives from each race, this concerns all of them," said Amoniel intelligently._

_Gandalf stared at her in admiration, "But of course! That is precisely what must be done!"_

"_I will see it done, you must attend the meeting, your role in this quest is important, we need your beauty and power," said Elrond, deep inside he wished that his unbeautiful and unintelligent daughter Arwen was like Amoniel._

_End of Flashback_

Few hours later, representatives from each race, gathered in the council hall. There were elves from Murky Wood, Dwarves from Dwarf Land, and a man from Gondor.

**Never mind the fact that to travel from any of these kingdoms, you need at least few days.**

Amoniel entered and a collective gasp took place, she was dressed in velvet, blackgown with golden embroidery on the bust and the long, wide sleeves. Her hair was in curls with a golden circlet on her head.

**Never mind the fact that she wasn't a princess to wear one, she was just that cool.**

In short, she looked breathtaking, every male in the room was taken aback at her beauty, and even the Dwarves momentarily forgot their disgust with Elves and drooled at her beauty…..of course, Amoniel could not understand what was so attractive about her, she did not think that she good-looking, she was so insecure…..her toenails were so unbeautiful.

"_Can't they see how ugly my feet are?" she wept internally._

However, she kept a strong face and ignored the looks she was receiving; she sat down next to Frodo, who smiled at her in a dazed and love-struck way. She was feeling extremely uncomfortable about the way Boromir was staring at her, his lust-filled eyes trailed over her perfect body, no plastic surgeon in Gondor could re-create those beautiful curves.

**Wait….what?**

"Strangers from distant lands, friends of old, you've been summoned here to answer the threat of Mordor," said Elrond looking at them gravely. "Middle Earth stands upon the brink of destruction. Bring forth the ring, Frodo.

Frodo tore his eyes from Amoniel and glared at Elrond, he did not want to leave Amoniel's side, and grudgingly he walked to the middle of the hall, where he placed the Ring. The ring seemed to speak to all of them, it spoke to Amoniel of her painful past, and tried to lure her into taking the Ring and gaining its power.

"_You will have the most beautiful toes in Middle Earth," it said huskily._

Amoniel was entranced by its magical aura, her thoughts were cut when she heard her name uttered. She looked up to see Legolas of Murky Wood standing up and saying, "I vote that Lady Amoniel take the Ring and destroy it, she is the most beautiful of us all, and is therefore, the most suitable."

Amoniel blushed at this, he was just so hot!

"I will be dead before I see the Ring in the hands of an Elf!" said Gimli standing up.

"A woman?" said Boromir in disgust. "They are good for nothing but breeding!"

Amoniel felt anger rush through her, she was the president of the Women Rights Association in Rivendell! Like hell she was going to stand there and let him insult her gender! She stood up and unsheathed her sword.

N**ever mind the fact that she was not carrying it when she entered, the magic blood she possesses allows her to materialize anything she wants.**

She was going to charge at Boromir, when a tiny voice stopped her.

"I will take it."

Everyone turned to look at Frodo, he swallowed and said more forcefully, "I will take the ring to Mordor, but I do not know the way."

"I will help you bear this burden Frodo Baggins," said Gandalf. "As long as it is yours to bear."

"If by my life or death I can protect you, I will," said Aragon bowing before the Hobbit. "You have my sword."

"You have my sword/whip/bow/axe/dagger/chakram/trident/ magical abilities," said Amoniel beautifully.

"And you have my bow," quickly added Legolas giving Amoniel a sexy wink.

She blushed and casted her eyes down. By the end of the meeting, it was decided that the Fellowship of the Ring would be made up of 10 companions.

Amoniel headed to her room after the meeting and cried herself to sleep.

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**This is a shorter chapter than the one before, it turns out it's really hard to write a hated Mary-Sue! I hope you liked it and remember it's a PARODY, the spelling mistakes and such are intended, if you have any scene suggestions, please let me know. We will have more Amoniel/Legolas scenes soon! Tee Hee :P Thanks again to those who reviewed!**


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